i autistic » Relationships » Why casting a wide net is bad for autistic dating

Typical dating advice is that we “cast a wide net” by trying all possible avenues to find people interested in dating us. However, autistic people are at very high risk of exploitation and abuse since they tend to have poor social discernment. Hence, they should err on safety and only seek out low-risk dates.

 

Low Risk:

  • Pre-screened autism communities such as Standing In The Gap (SITG)
  • Mainstream religious groups focused on traditional values, especially those where everyone knows each other well
  • Wholesome interest groups unrelated to romance, money and controversial topics (e.g., violence, sex, radical ideologies)

 

High Risk:

  • Night clubs/bars/discos: many exploitative women looking for prey
  • Interest groups related to romance: many exploitative women and scammers looking for prey
  • Interest groups related to money: likely to find romance scammers looking for a quick buck
  • Private matchmaking groups: may encounter scammers unless vetted by reputable authorities
  • Lower-income foreigners: many are looking for a ticket out of poverty with citizenship via marriage rather than love
  • Any social media, including dating apps: Scammers are using fake profiles with attractive AI-generated photos and can even fake video calls

 

Do also avoid highly popular candidates in the dating market who have no lack of suitors and thus are unlikely to be interested in dating autistic people. We can always try, but it will likely end up as a waste of time and with us nursing a bruised ego.

  • Top 15% of the most highly attractive women
  • Celebrities such as cosplayers, singers, dancers, and social influencers
  • Adult entertainers such as social escorts and rental boy/girlfriends

 

The most suitable relationship partner is probably another autistic person with similar lifestyle goals and aspirations. While NeuroTypical partners may be enticing, they often generate unwanted drama to spice up romantic relationships and have the potential to abuse their advantage in social skills to go against the interests of their autistic partners. Autistic partners will need much more patience and accommodation, but the relationship will be more sustainable in the long term.

The worst type of relationship partner is a psychopath; these are the ultimate predators, while autistic people are the ultimate prey. Those of us unfortunate enough to enter a romantic relationship with them will never forget the experience for the rest of their lives. We should take extra care to identify the characteristics of psychopathy and avoid these people at all costs.