i autistic » Relationships » How to prepare for dating success

For those of us not born into wealth, the preparation for dating success starts by getting our life in order.


1) Work on ourselves so that we can live independently

Expect potential dates to reject candidates who require constant caregiving. If the costs of engaging in a relationship are too high, it will not happen, no matter how attractive we look.


2) Focus on pragmatic topics rather than hobbies (including advocacy/disability work)

Most people, even if they are autistic, have interests different from us. While it is unethical to pretend to like our date’s hobbies to win them over, it is also unwise to expect our potential dates to enjoy our hobbies as much as we do. Discontinuing hobbies with no impact on our lives and using the extra time to focus on topics that directly improve the quality of life after marriage is something that both parties agree is important.


3) Take up advanced social skills training

We can take low-cost Applied Drama classes to train ourselves to handle ambiguity, express ourselves more clearly and understand how people work. This is an essential investment for both employment and marriage, but it is usually neglected.


4) Work in a higher-paying autism-friendly job (especially in IT).

Those who advise us to follow our youthful passion have it backwards. Follow the money when we are young, and after earning enough money to be free of the rat race, then use the money to follow our passion. It makes no sense to follow our passion if we are broke and must let the whims and fancies of financial sponsors control our work. Most relationship partners who desire a strong and stable marriage will also agree.


Most single women will naturally be willing to date someone with stable, well-paying employment and who can handle themselves well. Most men will understand that a woman with earning capacity retains autonomy and power in the relationship as an equal rather than a subservient partner. Once we get our lives in order, we become attractive marriage candidates and might even be asked out on dates.

An important tip is never ever pretend to be someone you are not when dating, only to reveal your true self after successful marriage. This unethical and stupid strategy easily leads to a divorce when your partner finds out that they married a mere illusion.