Autism Book Mirror Mind

"Mirror Mind" is now out of stock. I am expanding, not reprinting it.

28% of the participants at the WeCAN conference 2005 obtained this book.

Mirror Mind: Penetrating Autism's Enigma


Walking the lonely path

General Information

I walked on the lonely path of autism, not knowing myself. After many years of searching, I found, and entered the door to Humanity.

I was inspired to let people experience what it is like to be autistic through my work with this book "Mirror Mind". It is more of a work of art rather than an autobiography or medical reference book.

The first half of the book consists of poems that describe the autistic experience. It is followed by a short story with an autistic protagonist.

The second half of the book consists of my theory of autism, which is very different from the other theories in circulation today.


Introduction

Silent, unresponsive. Alone, in his own world. Autistic. The child with blank eyes, not looking, not staring. Time continues weaving past him.

Without warning, he roars into action, running in agitated circles. Like a monk chanting mantras, the boy begins to recite the same phase over and over again. It was lines from that advertisement again.

"Darn it", the adults uttered as they look on and shake their heads helplessly. Autism, the mysterious thief of the children's souls, has struck yet another child. I was one of these children who witnessed the theft.

How can a non-autistic hear the heart of an autistic child? To me, writing a technical text or an autobiography is insufficient. Instead, I aim to use my gift of writing to demonstrate what it is like is to be autistic based on my personal experiences, in a way that common folk can relate to.

Just as translating foreign languages introduces distortions, what I write is not the real experience, but an exercise of poetic license to illustrate autism for the masses. The only sure way to know autism is to experience it yourself too.

The World Behind the Mirror

Book Preview

1. Mirror

A red ball here, a red ball reflected
The sky here, the sky reflected
The moon shining, the shining moon reflected
The lake is serene and reflecting everything as it is

Like the lake, the boy's mind reflects things
A red ball here, a red ball reflected
The sky here, the sky reflected
The moon shining, the shining moon reflected

There were no thoughts in his mind, no ripples on the surface of the lake
He did not know the red ball, but merely reflected it thoughtlessly
Like a camera, like a photocopy machine, he is a recording device
He sees, but does not know seeing

There are humans moving around, so moving humans he reflects
Someone hits his head with a book
He has no idea what happened and what to do
His body's automatic reflexes drive his body to hit back with his fist

The teacher scolds him
His mind reflects this strange shape moving here and there
The words and the anger flow past him like the afternoon breeze
Like a mirror, he observes eternally, understanding nothing

Look into his eyes and see for yourself
Like your own reflection in the mirror
He is so close that you can easily reach out to touch him
But yet so far away in a parallel world that you can never enter

The boy is the eternal witness, the eternal watcher
There is no who, what, where, when and how
There is no I, me, you, we and they
There is no watching, watcher or being watched

There is no truth but what is happening right here, right now
Just watching alone is enough
Since the boy has nothing and knows nothing
Nothing matters, nothing has any consequence

Forever, he watches the queer dancing shadows in Plato's cave
There is no time to be experienced, so no beginning or end to witnessing
There are no boundaries to separated, so no objects to name or grasp
There is nothing but to witness, just like a mirror. A mirror.


Book Contents

. Experiencing Autism
1. Mirror 1
2. Prison 2
3. Watching 3
4. Robot Servant 6
5. Mother, who? 7

6. Ouch! 8
7. Word World 9
8. Loop 12
9. Slowness 15
10. Troublesome Body 17

11. Lone Soldier 20
12. Monsters 21
13. Drops of Emotions 22
14. Puppet People 25
15. Eye me not 26

16. Analyze This 27
17. Inferiority Complex 28
18. Living in the parallel universe 29
19. Depression 30
20. Insanity 32

21. My Career 33
22. The Will of Steel 34
23. Dedication 35
24. Discovery 36
25. Driving my engine 37

26. Boring Lectures 38
27. Talkative 39
28. I, Computer 42
29. Question.exe 43
30. Mindscape 46

31. Spirit, fly 49
32. This prayer computes 50
33. Living as an autistic 51
34. Crossing the river 73
35. Yesterday's Dream 75

. Exploring Autism
36. Autism: A discourse 76
37. Separate Perspective 82
38. Fantasies 74
39. Instinctive Understanding 87

40. The secret melody of communications 89
41. Relationships vs. perfection 97
42. The key to living for autistics 101

. Advice
43. Paying the price (for caretakers) 110
44. The story of the handicapped king 111

. Introspection
45. Disbelief, hiding 114
46. Human Dreams 115


Autism Spirituality

illusionary Tree  

The inspiration for the title "Mirror Mind" came out of the spiritual experience of Buddhism. When I was an autistic child, my mind was like a mirror, reflecting the world without thought or experience.

Many years later, after I understood more about Buddhism and the human experience, it struck me just how much autism can be a spiritual experience.

When the ordinary mind is confronted with forms (i.e. people, objects, concepts) it thinks of them as "real" and "solid". In this way, false dualistic thoughts and feelings arise (e.g. love or hate, good or bad, right or wrong).

When the holy mind is confronted with forms it beholds them but does not stain them with such dualistic thoughts. As there can be no wrong without right, the holy mind knows that both mutually arise from the same source. Hence, the holy mind rests in peace, like a mirror which reflects without any sensation being experienced. When it is confronted by objects it reflects them. Such minds are like the sun which shines equally on saint and sinner.

 

The “Diamond Sutra” is one of the classic Buddhist texts. In it the historical Buddha is reported as saying:

Words cannot explain the real nature of a cosmos. Only common people fettered with desire make use of this arbitrary method. Notions of selfhood, personality, entity and separate individuality, as really existing, are erroneous - these terms are merely figures of speech. Thus, consider this fleeting world in this way:

A star at dawn, a bubble in a stream;
A flash of lightning in a summer cloud,
A flickering lamp, a phantom, and a dream.

And thus, I experienced, as an autistic, the utter unreality of this world, of feelings and of people. "Mirror Mind"

Back to overview | Note: Mirror Mind is out of stock and there are no plans to reprint it.

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